The Great War described as a bar fight

[Bryn]

As its now the centenary year from the start of WW1, this is pretty appropriate ... posted on another forum and gratefully stolen   


Germany, Austria and Italy are standing together in the middle of a pub when Serbia bumps into Austria and spills Austria's pint. Austria demands Serbia buy it a complete new suit because there are splashes on its trouser leg. Germany expresses its support for Austria's point of view. Britain recommends that everyone calm down a bit.

Serbia points out that it can't afford a whole suit, but offers to pay for the cleaning of Austria's trousers.

Russia and Serbia look at Austria.

Austria asks Serbia who it's looking at.

Russia suggests that Austria should leave its little brother alone.

Austria inquires as to whose army will assist Russia in compelling it to do so.

Germany appeals to Britain that France has been looking at it, and that this is sufficiently out of order that Britain should not intervene.

Britain replies that France can look at who it wants to, that Britain is looking at Germany too, and what is Germany going to do about it?

Germany tells Russia to stop looking at Austria, or Germany will render Russia incapable of such action.

Britain and France ask Germany whether it's looking at Belgium.

Turkey and Germany go off into a corner and whisper. When they come back, Turkey makes a show of not looking at anyone.

Germany rolls up its sleeves, looks at France, and punches Belgium.

France and Britain punch Germany.

Austria punches Russia.

Germany punches Britain and France with one hand and Russia with the other.

Russia throws a punch at Germany, but misses and nearly falls over.

Japan calls over from the other side of the room that it's on Britain's side, but stays there.

Italy surprises everyone by punching Austria.

Australia punches Turkey, and gets punched back. There are no hard feelings because Britain made Australia do it.

France gets thrown through a plate glass window, but gets back up and carries on fighting.

Russia gets thrown through another one, gets knocked out, suffers brain damage, and wakes up with a complete personality change.

Italy throws a punch at Austria and misses, but Austria falls over anyway. Italy raises both fists in the air and runs round the room chanting.

America waits till Germany is about to fall over from sustained punching from Britain and France, then walks over and smashes it with a barstool, then pretends it won the fight all by itself.

By now all the chairs are broken and the big mirror over the bar is shattered.

Britain, France and America agree that Germany threw the first punch, so the whole thing is Germany's fault. While Germany is still unconscious, they go through its pockets, steal its wallet, and buy drinks for all their friends.



Here's an interesting link about the subject


http://www.spiegel.de/international/world/world-war-i-continues-to-have-relevance-100-years-later-a-941523.html

[O.C.]

Excellent Bryn and , yes, I agree it is totally appropriate   

p.s I stole it too     

[Charlie747]

 

[viper]

very , very good

[Rusty]

Great stuff ! Who thought of putting it like that .. Very clever.

[Bryn]

There's a part two to all of this   


After the last bar fight, America decides that he needs to be the bartender and the bouncer and moves behind the bar.

Germany comes to and sees everyone drinking with his money and sees Austria sitting in the corner by himself.

Germany, angry that Britain, France, and America took his wallet grabs Austria and makes him stand next to him.

Germany then does the same to Czechoslovakia.

On the other side of the room, Japan punches China. After a while, America tells them to knock it off.

Germany signs a bar napkin telling Britain that he is done moving people over to his side of the room.

Germany sucker punches Poland, claiming that Poland started it.

Russia says he will help and ends up punching Poland from the other side.

France and Britain begin swinging at Germany. Germany pushes Britain through the door and knocks him into the pool. France is also shoved through the door, but comes back in wearing a new beret and decides to hang out with Germany.

For no apparent reason, Russia slaps Finland.

Italy gets into a fight over the toys in the sandbox out back, gets a bloody nose and cries to Germany for help.

Germany and Britain get into a tug of war over Italy's sandbox.

Britain and Germany begin throwing rocks at each others' houses.

Because Russia helped him with beating up Poland, Germany sucker punches Russia.

While everybody is looking at Germany and Britain, Japan puts China into a headlock and begins punching his head.

America tells Japan to knock it off and tells him he's had too much to drink and he's cut off.

Japan jumps over the bar and punches America. And Britain. And France. And the Netherlands.

Germany shakes his fist at America and makes a rude noise.

America jumps into Germany's sandbox and falls flat on his arse. Italy laughs at him.

Because America is mad at Germany, America punches Italy.

America, Canada, and Britain rip off France's new beret and punch Germany.

America, Britain and Australia gang up and start shoving Japan back into a corner on the other side of the room.

Germany taps America on the shoulder and says, "What's that over there in the snow?" Then he kicks America in the behind when he's not looking.

Everyone piles on Germany until he passes out.

America hits Japan in the face with a baseball bat like Capone did in "The Untouchables". Twice.

As Japan is on his way to the floor, Russia shakes his fist at Japan, pretending that he's joined the fight and hoping that he'll be able to go through Japan's wallet after the fight's over.

After Japan and Germany wake up, America, France, Britain, and Russia move into Germany's House. America moves into Japan's house, too.

America buys drinks for Germany and Japan until everyone is happy again.

[Charlie747]

 

[Boomer]

 
I always maintained that WW2 never happened. It was WW1-part 2.

[Charlie747]

 

I always maintained that WW2 never happened. It was WW1-part 2.

[BDF]

(addressing both part I and part II here)

As an American looking on, I have to say that I found this pretty accurate and funny all at the same time.

About the only thing I would say was a little off was the end of the America / Japan part. I have always thought it was far too simple and basically a view that using atomic bombs was all that important in WW II. I am not saying it is not true, just pretty irrelevant in the big picture. By the time those came along, the Japanese empire was pushed back all the way to the home islands (other than in mainland China effectively), and far, far more damage was being done to Japan by the US from the air via conventional weapons, especially incendiary devices. The devastation of that country would have simply been carried forward in the more conventional manner and the outcome was inevitable by the summer of '45 IMO. There is also the school of thought that those two bombs actually saved lives by possibly preventing the actual invasion of the Japanese home islands which pretty much everyone agrees would have cost a huge number of lives, Japanese as well as American.

But the bar (pub) point of view is really quite clever. :-)  Sometimes you Brits have a very keen insight and different way to look at things than a lot of (most?) Americans I think. 

Brian

As its now the centenary year from the start of WW1, this is pretty appropriate ... posted on another forum and gratefully stolen   

<snipped pretty accurate, rather funny post>

Here's an interesting link about the subject


http://www.spiegel.de/international/world/world-war-i-continues-to-have-relevance-100-years-later-a-941523.html

[Kevin]

The bar fight analogy is rather good.

The Der Spiegel article is excellent.

Thanks for posting both.

Kevin