Jokes, jokes & more jokes!! - Warning - Not safe for work!

Started by Lonewolf, December 07, 2011, 02:39:38 PM

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Lonewolf

#150
June 13, 2012, 03:12:14 PM
A driver was stuck in a traffic jam on the M25. Nothing was moving.

Suddenly, a man knocks on the window.

The driver rolls down the window and asks, "What's going on?"

"Terrorists have kidnapped all of our MP's during a sitting of parliament, and they're asking for a £100 million ransom.

Otherwise, they are going to douse them all in petrol and set them on fire.

We are going from car to car collecting donations."

"How much is everyone giving?" the driver asks.

The man replies, "Roughly a gallon."

Kawasmoggie

#151
June 13, 2012, 05:03:26 PM
I really don`t think Boots quite thought this through.  :shocked: :shocked: :laugh:

http://i184.photobucket.com/albums/x225/Kawasmoggie/Boots.jpg
Alan

'Political correctness is a doctrine, fostered by a delusional, illogical minority, and rapidly promoted by mainstream media, which holds forth the proposition that it is entirely possible to pick up a piece of shit by the clean end.'

Lonewolf

#152
June 13, 2012, 05:10:31 PM Last Edit: June 13, 2012, 05:14:18 PM by Lonewolf
Quote from: Kawasmoggie on June 13, 2012, 05:03:26 PM
I really don`t think Boots quite thought this through.  :shocked: :shocked: :laugh:

http://i184.photobucket.com/albums/x225/Kawasmoggie/Boots.jpg

I've just clicked on your link and I briefly saw the photo and then got this message.



Kawasmoggie

#153
June 13, 2012, 05:27:12 PM
Oh dear, sorry about that.  :embarrassed:
Its just a link to my photobucket account. Never had a problem before.
I didn`t know photobucket was classed as a malicious web site.
Alan

'Political correctness is a doctrine, fostered by a delusional, illogical minority, and rapidly promoted by mainstream media, which holds forth the proposition that it is entirely possible to pick up a piece of shit by the clean end.'

Lonewolf

#154
June 13, 2012, 05:41:02 PM
I dont think there's a problem with Photobucket, perhaps its just your Photobucket....maybe you have some dodgy pics in there :whistling:

Kawasmoggie

#155
June 13, 2012, 06:01:33 PM
Err......No  :grin:
I`ve clicked that link on Three different machines and not had that message.
I reckon its a " Norton thing"
Alan

'Political correctness is a doctrine, fostered by a delusional, illogical minority, and rapidly promoted by mainstream media, which holds forth the proposition that it is entirely possible to pick up a piece of shit by the clean end.'

Lonewolf

#156
June 13, 2012, 06:03:06 PM
Maybe its my PC!  :whistling:

Gonome

#157
June 24, 2012, 08:45:40 AM
I'm about to take part in the Great Bradford Run.

It's not an official race, I just stand in the city centre & shout "Allah is a twat"

& then off we go....

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

A government survey has shown that 91% of illegal immigrants come to Britain so that they can see their own doctor.

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I got sacked from my job as a Bingo caller.

Apparently "A meal for two with a hairy view" is not the way to call No 69
.
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I've just fitted strobe lights in the bedroom. . . . . .

It makes the wife look like she's moving during sex.

...

Two Thai girls asked me if I'd like to go bed with them, they said it would be just like winning the lotto!
I agreed, and they were right.

We all stripped off and to my horror, we had six matching balls!

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

A Muslim has died whilst training to be a Skydiver.

The "BNP school of diving" said they had no idea why his snorkel and flippers didn't open.

Better to be old and grey than the alternative!

100milesaway

#159
June 25, 2012, 08:27:26 AM
 :mfr_lol: :mfr_lol: :mfr_lol: :clap:
What would you rather be   or a wasp?

Rusty

#160
July 01, 2012, 09:00:22 PM
I said to my wife "Just to spice things up tonight we'll do a bit of role play" .... she was well up for it.
I said " You dress up as Whitney Houston and I'll run the bath" ........

I was on a train this morning in the loo having a shit when a voice called out "Can I see your ticket please ?"
"Not right now" I replied "I,m having a shit".
"I don't believe you" said the voice. "Slide it under the door".
"No probs" I said. "The yellow bits are sweetcorn".

Winston Smith

#161
July 01, 2012, 09:06:28 PM
Congratulations!

You have won a choice of £250.00 shopping vouchers or a night at an Elvis tribute act

Press 1 for the money, 2 for the show........................
Four is fun.  Six is sex.

I Dream of a World where Chickens can Cross the Road without having their Motives Questioned

Ubertours

#162
July 02, 2012, 07:01:44 PM
My wife has just had a new tatoo of a sea shell on her thigh. The detail is amazing, Ive never seen anything like it, its so realistic, if you put your ear to it I swear you can smell the sea. :banana:

jenros

#163
July 03, 2012, 08:55:43 PM
said to the mrs this morning,,,"pass me the newspaper"
"dont be so daft " she said,,,"use my ipad!!"
tell you wha,,,,tha fooking fly never knew wha hit him!!!! :banana:

ChrisB

#164
July 03, 2012, 09:46:14 PM
Went into my local chemist last weekend and asked if they had any rat poison. Man behind the counter said, "no, sorry have you tried Boots?"

I said no I want to poison them, not kick them to death!!!!!!!

Ah, the old ones are the best.
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