Jokes, jokes & more jokes!! - Warning - Not safe for work!

[mecki]

You are joking of course?!

Name badge.............

So what's so funny about her leaning?

[Lonewolf]

Alright I'll be the first (I cant be the ONLY one can I...) to admit ...... I dont get it, what is it - whats the joke that seems so funny to you fellars???

A part clue.....perhaps someone will post a video for the second part of the clue. Then again maybe not!!!   

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jW_aWY5PubI

[Lonewolf]

The Halfords video, that brat deserved to end up getting dunked, all that unnecessary screaming. 


Olde Coney, I like the lawnmower, thats actually a new model which has just been released in Oz.

[Kwikasfuki]

[Lonewolf]

 

It actually does as well.

[Kwikasfuki]

If you do it with both you get stereo sound 

[Winston Smith]

I was sat in a bar the other night when I saw two 'large' ladies with accents that weren't local.

Being a polite kind of guy I spoke to them enquiring where they were from

"Are you two girls from Scotland?" I enquired.

"No you dick head - Wales" was the response.

"My apologies" I retorted, "are you two whales from Scotland?"

[O.C.]

 

[O.C.]

There were two nuns..

One of them was known as Sister Mathematical (SM),

and the other one was known as Sister Logical (SL) .

It is getting dark and they are still far away from the convent.

SM: Have you noticed that a man has been following us for the past thirty-eight and a half minutes? I wonder what he wants.

SL: It's logical. He wants to rape us.

SM: Oh, no! At this rate he will reach us in 15 minutes at the most! What can we do?

SL: The only logical thing to do of course is to walk faster.

SM: It's not working.

SL: Of course it's not working. The man did the only logical thing. He started to walk faster, too.

SM: So, what shall we do? At this rate he will reach us in one minute.

SL: The only logical thing we can do is split. You go that way and I'll go this way. He cannot follow us both.

So the man decided to follow Sister Logical.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Sister Mathematical arrives at the convent and is worried about what has happened to Sister Logical.

Then Sister Logical arrives.

SM: Sister Logical! Thank God you are here! Tell me what happened!

SL: The only logical thing happened. The man couldn't follow us both, so he followed me

SM: Yes, yes! But what happened then?

SL: The only logical thing happened. I started to run as fast as I could and he started to run as fast as he could.

SM : And?

SL : The only logical thing happened. He reached me.

SM : Oh, dear! What did you do?

SL : The only logical thing to do. I lifted my dress up.

SM : Oh, Sister! What did the man do?

SL: The only logical thing to do. He pulled down his pants.

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SM: Oh, no! What happened then?

SL : Isn't it logical, Sister? A nun with her dress up can run faster than a man with his pants down.

And for those of you who thought it would be dirty,

Say two Hail Marys!

[2kwacks]

  very good..! and by the way I've already said my two Hail Marys

[Essex Boy]

Clean one..

A bloke walks into a pet shop and says "i'd like to buy a wasp please"

the shop keeper said, "well we are a petshop sir, but we don't sell wasps"

Oh said the customer, "but you've got one in the window".

Eb

[Kwikasfuki]

Clean one..

A bloke walks into a pet shop and says "i'd like to buy a wasp please"

the shop keeper said, "well we are a petshop sir, but we don't sell wasps"

Oh said the customer, "but you've got one in the window".

Eb

[Rusty]

I have just had some of that 007 Viagra delivered ... apparently it makes you Roger More ....

Terrible news I am afraid to say ... a mate of mine was killed the other day at work .. he went to assist at a fire where the building had collapsed ... a betting shop ... he was pinned against a wall by boxes of betting slips ... the Fire Brigade tried to save his life but the odds were stacked against him ........

[Kwikasfuki]

A Policeman pulls a blonde in a sports car over for speeding and is trying to explain to her what and where her driver's license might be. After she eventually gives him her driver's license, he asks for registration.

Getting another blank blonde look from her, he explains, "It's that little piece of paper you get with your car and you keep it in the glove compartment."

"Ah," she says as she bends over to get it. While she is looking through the glove compartment, the officer unzips his pants and pulls his member out.

Excited that she had found her registration, she turns around and looks up. A look of dismay crosses her face and she says, "Oh, no! Not another breathalizer test!"

[Lonewolf]

    Ahh that brings back memories of the old days, sausage or Summons??  I hear they still do this in the Met.